When given the label of a Teen Mum what you get is a casting of judgments about what type of a Mum you’ll be. Almost from the very get-go. You are deemed a failure and you’ll never amount to anything.
You’ll never have a job and you’ll always rely on benefits. You’ll never be someone. You’ll probably have more and more kids. You’ll lose all your friends. Your partner will leave and you will end up a single mum.
Mum Label
When labelled a Mum you are expected to perform a certain job. That job is graded on how you compare to other mums, which mum holds it together best, which mum has the tidiest house, which mum holds down a job. She is also there to pick up her kids on time, does all the homework and afterschool activities, makes dinners, has friends over, drives her kids to activities or friends’ house. Is basically on call for daily pursuits, on-call for daily emotions, and on-call for daily abuse if her kid decides to take out their frustration on the world on their nearest and dearest person.
This mum also has to be well-groomed, not embarrassing to kids friends, a good wife, and not have any activities of her own. She cries in the shower so no one sees her emotions and she is on the surface a Super Woman. The more labels we allow ourselves to be consumed by, the harder we try to not be like or be like what we think people expect of us. What our kids expect of us.
Teen Mum
I tried to not be the Teen Mum and I desperately wanted to be the Super Mum. However, the more I worked, the less I saw my daughter, the busier I got, the less she liked me. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be liked by her at all. Maybe I was meant to be a regimented Mum, who demanded respect and Army styled our way through disciplining the high school years. But every Mum is different, just like each child is different, so what works for one child doesn’t work for another. People are different. I wanted to be an open and honest family, one where we can talk about anything.
The thing to remember here is that we are all people, no matter the label. We don’t get to abuse someone just because they are our Mum. We don’t get to use someone because it’s our right to, because we are their flesh and blood. What we get to do is choose how we behave. We need to respect people, respect ourselves, and set boundaries on what is acceptable and what isn’t.
Doing your Best
I discovered the true meaning of “Blood is thicker than water” the other day… blood spilled by men in battle is thicker than the water in the womb. That is, just because someone is your flesh and blood does not give them a stronger bond with you than someone you met and went to war with. Most likely that soldier will work harder for your love and respect and not see it as a given.
It’s hard to understand our parents until we become one. It’s hard to see how much they love our siblings so they must have also loved us that way. It’s hard to admit when you are wrong and to apologize. BUT life is hard. Every day we get another opportunity to do the right thing.
Not every post has a happy ending, my friends, no one is having a perfect life. Being aware, learning and growing is what Personal Development is about. Doing the best you can with the resources you have or had at the time. And that’s OK.
