My shoulders are full of tension and my mind swirling like a washing machine. The moment I disconnect from distractions my emotions burst into the screen. Nothing makes any sense as I conversate my way through all of the options. Listing, Ordering, Pro’ing and Con’ing.
My ideas like a running Spider diagram, am I really back at this place wondering who I am? I’m eternally falling down the rabbit hole now I know the real world isn’t real, I consider myself conscious Alice, so why do I still numb how I feel? Maybe it’s not a problem, maybe that’s just how everyone else lives their lives. But I need to be able to sit in silence, block out the noise, be comfortable in the blackness when I close my eyes. Then really falling down the rabbit hole was just one level of awakening most don’t even take. And I’m now looking for the next level with urgency like “I’m late”, “I’m late”, “I’m late”!
There never was a rush to be here I can connect the dots looking back. I can see each lesson and learning and realise I was never really in lack. So, If my life is abundant and I know all I ever needed to know, I don’t have to hurry for Fear of Missing Out and I can just watch as one dot runs the show. One dot, in a timeline of dots, attracted to each other without rush, trying or force. I am in the right place, taking inspired action and surrendering to the Universe. AND I forgive myself.
I forgive myself for falling asleep at the wheel, for failing to think. For forgetting it all and relaxing into my next drink. I am tempted by wanting more, I am curious Alice ready to explore I find contentment in very few ways, Maybe my kind of meditation is to write like back in the old days. So you see as I write the answers spill out from this pen if I want to be healed if I want a cure.
The answer is to be content with LESS, and stop seeking MORE. Spend no money, use the resources I already have, save up, dream don’t DO, if you allow it will come to you, Stay in the NOW and remember the “Just for today….” And in doing so, the life you dream of is already on its way. It’s already on its way.