We’ve had a strained relationship. I’ve hated you, I’ve punished you, I’ve deprived you of food, I’ve stuffed you with food or poisoned you with alcohol. I’ve been on self destruct mode hurting you every time someone hurts me as a coping mechanism. I’ve even hurt you myself internally. My bruises are a status symbol of how much I can endure.
I appreciated you only when I’ve been pregnant as I’ve been the Divine feminine that I am inside. Outside of this, I’ve been in Masculine…go hard or go home. Don’t be a pussy, suck it up, push harder, get stronger, go go GO!! Militant mode. Uuggghh I even think I enjoy those things as I type them.. this is going to be harder than I think. (Hence why I am writing this)
Ok, so Body what I really want to say is, I’m sorry. I love you and you are beautiful just as you are. I have been training my Ego not training You and I’m going to stop. I’m going to let go and surrender to what you can currently do in the gym. I am going to be grateful for your skills, endurance and fitness!
I will give up the strength training (or what I called “My” training, as if my classes aren’t also training my body) I will sacrifice my pride if my clients can lift more than I can. I’m the one who can’t walk down the stairs forward-facing like a normal human being! There’s no point lifting heavy if I can’t do life. The gym was meant to aid a better life, not fuel an Ego, score points, get admiration and then go home and can’t even walk!
I’m sorry body, can we make peace. Can I take care of you and lose the care about what other people are doing with their bodies? I need you to last a lifetime. Please forgive me.
I love you.