The nighttime cool air hits my skin like a flood of emotion. I sit by the open window looking at the night sky. I breathe in the fresh air and feel contentment about the choices I’ve made since I was last here.
I can still see Jason and I (a fellow student of the NLP master practitioners course) doing bear crawls over the freezing grass in the snow. Hearing distant laughs and pants of exhaustion. Remembering puffs of smoke leaving our mouths as the cold air hit our enthusiastic lungs. I can still envision the old curious me in love with her husband and wondering where this journey will take us…take me.
My mission – find myself
I came here on a mission to find myself. To help myself and to help others. Unconscious about my own problems that needed attention. The path of least resistance is to assume we are ok and help everyone else. I thought I was here to become a coach. Until my master trainer told me, help yourself first. Be the client. Experience the therapy and then see where you’ll be.
I never understood this but just like Mr Miyagi tells Daniel-San to wax on and wax off, I also didn’t see the bigger picture. You only see when you are ready to see and when the student is ready the teacher appears.
All of these quotes previously seen but not heard, as an old book read for the second time. The meaning the first time was lost. The second time up the penny drops. The people here changed my life, the lessons I learned from them and the connection we experienced are indescribable. They are my NLP family. This home away from home.
I literally came here and shut the world away. I turned off my phone like I often did when I was away from my husband. Yearning for freedom and expression and passion and excitement. I sought so much out of life but life was mediocre. I knew there was more out there, I could feel it. I often sat at windows, staring at the sky, standing in the sea looking out, running around the forest…running away knowing the trees were my friends. The only ones who knew my true emotions. Trapped, challenged, and unconscious.
A new life
Everyone on my course changed together. I wrote down all of the books they recommended and followed all of the spiritual leaders. Over the year, I continued my journey by researching each and every one of those bits of information. I had no idea that change would be so good; I feared change and I feared being alone. Until one day I felt strong enough to love myself for myself and to be by myself and I asked for a divorce. I booked myself a Burlesque course to piece together my body image puzzle and show myself I am ok. I am alright. I am feminine and sexy AND it has nothing to do with a man.
A man once stole my identity along with my femininity and left me with shame and guilt about being myself as if I was wrong, broken, and undeserving. It was time to take back my power. When I wasn’t even looking for him I met the man of my dreams who makes me feel like a Goddess. A man who has every quality I would ever wish for in a partner. Strong yet vulnerable. Masculine, successful, creative, spiritual, whole, authentic, intelligent, genuine, caring, and kind. And most of all funny, crazy, and just as much a weirdo as I am!
He stayed here too with me on my next course and we told each other we loved each other. I’ve never shared anywhere meaningful to me with anyone. I haven’t wanted to. I like being a loner, I like my own company and if I ever felt chained down, controlled or unfree I’d rebel. This time I’m the perfect balance of free and connected all at once. I want to share everything with him. Including letting down my barriers and letting love in.
I’m feeling reflective as I lie here, (now on the bed) and I wonder what will come of this next journey. Becoming a hypnotherapist and in 2 days performing in my first UK burlesque show troupe. But I know the possibilities are endless.
This work/therapy/coaching is powerful and gave me the tools to change my life, to find myself. I have unlimited self-belief that I have the power to achieve anything I want now. I know it’s true. I can be anything I want to be! I didn’t even know I was lost and coaching helped me find my wai. Let me facilitate you find yours.
