Does your decision feel light or heavy? I have felt guilty about letting go of my relationship especially because I thought it would last forever.
I have felt like a failure. I failed at marriage…marriage is for life I thought. I once believed in something which I no longer do. I changed. I have been judged by people who looked at the picture-perfect marriage but didn’t see the cracks in that picture. People who think you can just work through anything.
Change yourself
However you can’t change other people, you can only change yourself. Making the decision to leave is never easy, it actually takes courage, strength and respect for yourself and your partner. Feeling all those fears above and doing it anyway. Many stay in that relationship just because of these fears and because of the fear of being alone. Fears of finances, hassle of splitting possessions, organising childcare etc, etc… so many ‘convenient’ reasons to stay but none of them love or respect.
For me, the fact that I was in indecision meant I’d already made a decision but I’d not taken action. Listening to my intuition, my body yearned for freedom. I valued freedom over security. Suddenly my whole life felt insecure. But, having a marriage, having a job, a house. None of these things really make us secure. We can’t rely on materials and we can’t rely on other people to make us feel secure.
The definition of feeling insecure means we feel vulnerable and inferior. To feel secure we need to feel safe and protected. I believe we can find this through unconditional self-love. Surrender and trust. Trust myself that if I end up alone, I’ll be ok. If I end up lost, I’ll find my way…
Freedom
Today I have freedom. Freedom of choice, freedom to choose to stick around those people who judged me or to find new people. Freedom to express myself. Freedom to feel the fear and choose to do it anyway. Freedom to be myself. Freedom to eat in a way I think fuels my body and my soul. Freedom to dance stupidly in the kitchen to cheesy music. Freedom to stay up in the night when I can’t sleep and make deep emotionally charged posts such as this.
There are no rules. I get to decide. Does this ‘thing’ feel heavy or light? Enjoy tuning in because you have all the answers. Even as a coach I merely facilitate you to find your own WAI.
